I hate myself: reasons and how to deal with it. Why everyone hates me: ways to cause people to have a “warm” attitude Why they can hate a person

Man is a social being. This is an indisputable fact. But there are people who are burdened by communication and a large number of people in general. Such a person is called a misanthrope. He adheres to the main principle of his life - "I hate people" - and does everything to avoid close contact with them. Sometimes such a life position is the result of any phobias, for example, social phobia. And sometimes it just becomes a philosophy of life.

I'm good at negativity

There are flowers that love the sun. And there are those who prefer shaded areas. By analogy, most people enjoy positive interactions with others. But misanthropes, on the other hand, delight in hatred. But that's not the point. Such individuals firmly believe that everything is built on overt or covert hatred. interpersonal relationships, and such concepts as love, devotion, affection are just a beautiful fiction of writers and poets. Why lie and pretend? You can be frank and just "not love."

History knows examples of the famous "unsociable" who, at the same time, conquered the world. These include A. Schopenhauer, A. Gordon, A. Malygin and many others.

Why does hate appear?

There are many factors that contribute to the appearance of misanthropy. Let's try to describe only the most common options.

1. Any criticism is false. There are people who are so unsure of themselves that any criticism from the outside causes them just a storm of emotions and can prevent them from doing business again for a long time. Therefore, it is easier for such individuals to simply fence themselves off from the whole world, so as not to hear and not experience even a gram of negativity (or what they took for it).
2. It hurts to notice your "mote", it's better to discuss someone else's "log". Now we will not discuss what caused an inferiority complex in barefoot childhood. But sometimes it is extremely painful to work with this feeling, and with the child's psychotrauma itself. Where can you see the way out? In "slinging mud at" others and noting for yourself all the shortcomings of others. After all, you can feel better not only by trying to develop yourself, but also by humiliating others.
3. If I'm so smart, why am I so poor? Often misanthropy generates banal envy. No matter what: external data, success, material condition. But I don’t want to make an effort or admit to myself such a banal “green toad”. Therefore, it is better to replace the concepts, speaking of hatred in general.
4. And who are the judges? Often attacks of hatred depend on the characteristics of education. Imagine an elderly grandmother who, due to circumstances, is forced to raise her grandchildren herself. Seeing other people's fancy cars and expensive clothes, she projects her pain and fatigue, calling them "thieves", "bandits" or "prostitutes". Because, in her opinion, it is impossible to earn such "money" by honest work. Thus, grandchildren will learn the same attitude towards others. And possible grievances in the classroom will only exacerbate hatred towards people. A classic example is the story of two brothers - bandits and murderers who committed their atrocities for three years. When, after being caught, they were asked about the reasons for this behavior, they replied that their mother, a former noblewoman, constantly inspired them, pointing to steamships and ancient palaces, that if it weren’t for “all these little people” who took away their entire fortune in the 17th , then now they would live the way they were meant to - they would bathe in luxury and opportunities. Naturally, along with a painful self-importance, she brought up in her children a burning hatred for other people.

So who is hated?

If you re-read all of the above, you get a strange picture: such a person, by and large, hates himself, and not others. For the fact that he cannot achieve something, he does not have a car, an apartment, a summer house, he cannot establish close and warm relations.

Why is it hard to work with misanthropy?

And all because pronounced misanthropes do not see anything bad in hatred and are unlikely to want to get rid of it. If there is a desire to change something, it means that you are still at the very beginning of the "path of alienation", and everything is in your hands:

1. Realize that your emotions are your business. The rest, by and large, do not care what you think of them.
2. Decide once and for all that you want to get rid of the hate. This is difficult, because such emotions are an excellent defense mechanism, a kind of "shell". Consider if you can take it off.
3. And for this, clearly set yourself a goal for which you will change. General and vague concepts are not good. Everything should be clear and very personal. For example, I want a child, a house, to become a leader. To do this, I plan an interaction.
4. Be sure to choose a psychologist or psychotherapist. Many stages of overcoming internal protests are very painful, and it is better to go through them with a specialist.

Is there any other reason for hatred?

Alas, misanthropy is the acquired skills of interaction with the surrounding reality. But there are other cases, one of the signs of which may be hatred of people. Let's take a look at some of these:

1. In schizoid psychopathy, it is not entirely appropriate to speak of "hatred." However, it can be stated that society is generally perceived as a “herd of sheep”, therefore the schizoid does not want to adapt to a number of accepted norms and does not know how to take care even in relation to very close people. This "rejection of annoying people" and can be interpreted as hatred. However, the hallmark of such a person is considered to be the fact that the negative itself does not appeal. He is more preoccupied with his internal deductions and simply drives people away like annoying flies. If this is about you, I want to state that you cannot cope with this problem yourself. In this case, you will definitely need the help of a psychologist or even a psychiatrist.
2. Response to overstress. This is a topic for a separate lengthy discussion. In short, sometimes life presents unthinkable trials: brutal rape, terrorist attacks turn the client's worldview upside down.

During the wreck of the ship "Admiral Nakhimov", for example, one of the victims described that a man, in order to save himself, drowned a woman with a child, taking away some floating object from them.

Another example. The woman lost control and flew off a busy highway, receiving serious injuries. Her young son unsuccessfully tried to call for help. None of the drivers stopped. And when he got on foot to the nearest locality, then barely interrogated to call an ambulance to the scene of the accident.

Internal conflicts on the ground religious beliefs and ethnic confrontations lead to mass “cleansings”, which children and adolescents can become witnesses of.

Naturally, such things are capable of provoking hatred both towards a certain group of people and towards people in general. And here the work must necessarily begin with a consultation with a psychiatrist, and then with a psychotherapist.

1. Teenage maximalism. Another interesting and little studied topic concerns "universal dislike" as a manifestation of the formation of personality. Adolescents during the period of active hormonal adjustment are generally prone to frequent and spasmodic mood swings. Therefore, a slight disappointment, which at another time would have passed unnoticed, can cause global dislike. By the way, hormonally conditioned hatred due to a feeling of deep resentment can occur not only in adolescents, but also in pregnant women, young mothers or in people (note - not only in women) during the period of age-related menopause (yes, it turns out that men also have it) . Such problems require an integrated approach. And, in addition to a psychologist, you may need to consult a pediatrician, endocrinologist, gynecologist or other narrow specialists.

In conclusion, I would like to say that there are no unsolvable problems in life. But don't expect someone to help you if you don't want to. Do you really want a psychologist to catch up with you on the street and forcibly “do good”? Accept the fact that this is your problem, and it will be you who will fight it, if you wish. A psychologist, doctors and close people can only help you a little with this.

The need to be loved is almost a defining feature of a person. Everyone has it, even up to the moment when a person becomes conscious of himself. Babies who feel loved develop faster and grow healthier. Adults who know they are loved tend to be happier and more successful. These feelings are natural, even the fashion for sarcasm, loneliness and sociopathy cannot drown out the desire to be loved.

This desire is felt especially sharply when a person lacks love and attention. Because of this, it may seem that the whole world hates me. How to overcome these feelings? How to make people feel warm? First you need to figure out why a feeling of universal hatred may appear.

The reasons

Oddly enough, the problem usually lies not in others, but in the person himself. Usually this:

For clarity, below are the standard situations that can occur in life. All characters are fictional.

Low self-esteem. At school, Luda was an "ugly duckling". Not a day went by that her classmates didn’t mock her: a bag thrown into the men’s room, spitting in tea, offensive nicknames. At home, the elder brother continued this baton: he laughed at her and teased her in the presence of friends. Luda has grown up. But the fears remained: she does not believe people, expects a trick from them, it seems to her that no one will ever want to communicate with her. Lyudmila is sure that the whole world hates her.

Low self-esteem is the basis for many problems. The ones described below can also appear due to low self-esteem.

victim status. Anya is the most miserable person in the world. If someone has a headache, Anya will definitely hurt more, which, of course, she will report. For some reason, people do not like to talk with Anya, and those who communicate are climbing with their unnecessary advice, as if they are the smartest. Nobody wants to treat her with understanding, everyone hates her.

Excessive requirements. Irina expects very little from people. She just needs to be respected, which means they don’t interrupt, listen with an interested person, sometimes guess desires. And they took the hints. And compliments were spoken. She just doesn’t see such an attitude towards herself, which means that everyone doesn’t give a damn about her feelings.

Excessive obsession. Galya considers herself a very open and friendly person. She always gets acquainted with interest, asks a person about his life, work, affairs, tastes, interests, whether he is older than his life partner, or younger. And then she tells about herself everything that she asked the person about. If her interlocutor complained about something, she will definitely try to help with advice, and then she will call and ask if he managed to do everything right. Galya always tries to cheer everyone up and tells a lot of funny jokes. She is very disappointed that no one wants to appreciate her kindness, responsiveness and openness.

Hatred for others. Natasha doesn't like people. No one deserves this: people are ridiculous, stupid, they impose their interests and feelings on everyone. There is not a single adequate person around - everyone is rude, cruel and aggressive.

Unwillingness to take care of yourself. Sveta has a good character, many admit it. But at the same time they make fun of her and do not want to communicate. No one wants to consider her true nature, well-read and rich inner world. But everyone notices the hair that she did not have time to wash and does not consider it necessary to style, a small mustache above her upper lip - well, these are already nit-picking, they are completely transparent. And in general, a worthy person will consider the appearance good man. But there are none worthy yet.

What can be done

Low self-esteem is not a sentence, although it will take time to raise it. First of all, you need to firmly understand for yourself that the opinions of others do not define us as a person. But if you focus on their attitude, scroll through their words in your head, you can easily convince yourself that they are right.

Even Jesus Christ, who never made a mistake, loved, healed and fed people, at the same time had a lot of ill-wishers.

Another way to boost self-esteem is to show people kindness, even if they don't really deserve it. Simple acts of kindness - to help an elderly woman carry bags, show someone the way, charge with positive and help to feel useful.

In addition, recognizing someone's virtues does not mean humiliating yourself, as well as admitting your shortcomings. Everyone has them, this is normal, and this is not a reason to hate each other.

Psychologists unanimously recommend - beware of attributing to yourself the status of a victim. To overcome this tendency, you need to try to see the good in every situation and share the good news. Every person has enough bad things in his life. In addition, you need to learn to sincerely sympathize - the fact that a person does not have the biggest problem in the world does not mean that he is not bad. And the ability to be content with what you have is a useful skill that makes life much easier.

I want all people to be the way they are described in the previous two paragraphs. But, unfortunately, everyone has flaws. Each of us would like our own mistakes to be treated with indulgence. In this sense, it is useful to start with yourself. When people see their shortcomings being tolerated, they experience gratitude, the opposite of hate.

Personal sincere interest is wonderful. But, like all good things, it is useful in limited doses. Interfering in other people's affairs and imposing does not become interesting for others. It is necessary to recognize the right of every person to keep some personal information with him. The interlocutor himself will help to determine which one.

It doesn't take any effort to dislike people. It's easy to do on its own. That's just in people we see what we ourselves feel for them. And when we feel hatred, we harm ourselves first of all. There is something good in every person, and it is good to notice it.

There is an interesting exercise. If someone is annoying, you need to sit down and write down 7 of his positive qualities. If it works out, it's easier to look at it differently. If not, then you do not know this person enough to judge him.

A rich inner world is wonderful. But if this world is really so rich, it will manifest itself outwardly. Good appearance It is not only love for oneself, but also a manifestation of respect for others. Who is pleased when talking to hear the smell of cutlets with garlic, which the interlocutor dined? But how pleasant it is to look at a well-groomed, neat, tastefully dressed girl! Finding out her inner world is much more interesting.

The hatred that a person feels usually comes from him. To cope with it, you need to try to love yourself and others.

Lyudmila, Gryazovets

1. Hate in response to hate

We usually don't like people who don't like us. The more we think they hate us, the more we hate them in return.

2. Competition

When we compete for something, our mistakes can benefit our competitors. In such cases, in order to preserve our self-respect, we shift the blame to others. We begin to blame our failures (real and imagined) on those who are doing better. Gradually, our disappointment can turn into hatred.

3. Us and them

The ability to distinguish from enemies has always been vital to safety and survival. Our thought processes have evolved to notice potential danger more quickly and respond accordingly. Therefore, we constantly enter information about others into our own “reference book”, where all our views about different people and even entire classes of people are stored.

We usually classify everything into one of two categories: right or wrong, good or bad. And since most of us don't stand out in any way, even minor, superficial differences, such as race or religious beliefs, can be an important source of identification. After all, we, first of all, always strive to belong to a group.

Considering ourselves part of a certain group that we think is superior to others, we are less inclined to sympathize with members of other groups.

4. From compassion to hate

We consider ourselves responsive, sensitive and friendly. Then why do we still feel hatred?

The fact is that we have a clearly established opinion about ourselves and our rightness. And if we cannot reach a compromise, we blame the other side, of course. Our inability to fully assess the situation, as well as the fact that we always justify ourselves, lead us to think that the problem is not with us, but with others. Such a view often incites hatred.

In addition, in such situations, we usually consider ourselves a victim. And those who violate our rights or restrict our freedom seem to us to be offenders who deserve punishment.

5. The influence of prejudice

Prejudices can influence our judgments and decisions in different ways. Here are some examples.

Ignoring the virtues of the other side

There are no unique situations. All have their own merits and demerits. But when we are in the power of hatred, ours is distorted to such an extent that we do not see any positive qualities in the opponent at all. So we have a wrong idea about a person, which is then quite difficult to change.

hatred by association

According to this principle, the nature of the news influences our perception of the person who reports it. The worse the incident, the worse it seems to us and everything connected with it. That is why we blame the herald, even if he has nothing to do with the event.

Distortion of facts

Under the influence of prejudices based on likes and dislikes, we usually fill in the gaps in information about an event or person, based not on specific data, but on our own assumptions.

The desire to please

We all value the opinions of others to varying degrees. Few want to be hated. Public approval significantly influences our behavior. Remember the words of the French writer and philosopher La Rochefoucauld: “We willingly admit to small shortcomings, wanting to say that we have no more important ones.”

How hate manifests

Physical and heartache is a very powerful incentive. We do not want to suffer, so we seek to either avoid or destroy the enemy. In other words, hate is a defense mechanism against pain.

Hatred can find different expressions. The most obvious of these is war.

In addition, it manifests itself in politics. Remember such eternal confrontations: left and right, nationalists and communists, libertarians and authoritarians.

How to get rid of hate

• First, through prolonged close contact with people. Joint activities are especially effective when you cooperate to achieve a common goal or unite against a common enemy.
• Secondly, thanks to an equal position in all aspects (education, income, rights), which will operate not only on paper.
• And, finally, the most obvious - we must be aware of our own feelings and try not to dismiss the feelings of others. When you are overcome by strong emotions, it is better to just step aside, take a deep breath and try to get rid of your prejudices.

Morning, the street is a terrible heat, because it's summer. Birds are chirping outside the open window. On the big bed lies a girl who sleeps and sniffs sweetly. But this whole beautiful picture was spoiled by an alarm clock. It was seven in the morning on the clock, you ask why so early, now it's summer? The answer is simple - they go to the sea with the class. They gather near the school at eight in the morning. She opened her eyes as she set the alarm for safe flight. Her name was Shirayuki, a beautiful red-haired girl with eyes like two emeralds, with a perfect figure and a sweet but short-tempered personality. The room was in black and white. To the left of the door was a black door leading to the bathroom. Also to the left of the door was a double bed with white linens and black pillows. Opposite the bed there was a large desk with a stand, in which there were pens, pencils, etc., there was also a laptop on the table. Above the table were two shelves with books and notebooks. The window had white curtains fading to black at the bottom. On the sides of the bed were two bedside tables with a telephone, lamps and an alarm clock. Getting up from the bed, the green-eyed went to the closet to select clothes. Taking white denim shorts, a pink translucent blouse with a sleeve to the elbow and pale pink sneakers. After being in the shower for twenty minutes, she went to breakfast. Her mother and older brother were already sitting in the kitchen. "Good morning mom, Koheko, is Mizu still sleeping?" - Going into the kitchen asked the girl, wishing everyone a good morning. “Good sister,” the dark-haired man replied with a smile. “Good morning, yes Mizu sleeps,” her mother answered. Shirayuki went to her mother in both character and appearance, just like her older brother, but only in appearance he is in his father. Brown hair, blue eyes and a bright smile matched perfectly. Mizu is their younger sister, she has red hair and blue eyes, and her character is just like that of her father, she also likes to sleep, so she sleeps until almost two in the afternoon. Having quickly eaten, the beauty went to her destination. There were her best friends - Kiki and Mitsuhide, and the most hated, but at the same time beloved person. His name is Zen Wisteria. Even when Shirayuki transferred to this school, Zen immediately got on her nerves. And so, for example, when only a week of her stay at this school had passed, he poured a bucket of water on her. A year ago: "The red-haired girl went to school with good mood and went straight to class. As soon as she opened the door, she immediately found herself soaking wet. Turning her head to the culprit, the green-eyed woman noticed a white-haired young man. They constantly quarreled with him, he would either move her chair away, or something else. “Wisteria, I hate you,” the girl shouted, standing soaking wet. - Ahaha, - Zen laughed out loud, - Shirayuki, it suits you, - the guy said, staring at the beauty. - Get off the moron. Bypassing the guy, she went to the desk, as the bell rang, she failed to leave. I had to sit wet." "Hello Shira," Zen smiled. "Back off." "Hello Shirayuki," the guys said unanimously. When the teacher came, everyone got on the bus, the green-eyed girl wanted to sit with Kiki, but it didn’t work out, Zen sat down next to her. Opposite there was a small table and a stand for a bottle or a plastic cup. An hour later, the guy fell asleep and Shirayuki, taking out a notebook and opening it, wrote on the first line, in the middle, a neat inscription: "5 reasons to hate Xena Wisteria: 1. He's narcissistic. 2. A womanizer. 3. A pervert. 4. He constantly mocks me. 5. Doesn't pay attention to my feelings because I love him." Having finished writing, she put the notebook on the table, just as the bus drove up to the houses and Zen woke up, red-haired and Kiki went to take the room. The white-haired one saw the girl's notebook lying on the table. - Apparently Shira forgot, - the guy said to himself and opened the notebook, - wow, - he said when he saw the inscription. After reading the reasons for her hatred, he went to Mitsuhide, offering to go to an amusement park. He agreed and went to call the girls. Half an hour later they were all standing in the park. First, the guys dragged the girls on the roller coaster, they went around almost all the rides and at the end of the day decided to go to the Ferris wheel. Getting up, Mitsuhide sat in the same booth with Kiki, Zen with Shirayuki. "Shirayuki, is there anything you want to tell me?" he asked, bending over Shira. "N-no," the girl stuttered. - Exactly, what is it then? - Zen asked showing a notebook. - Where did you get it from? - You forgot on the bus, and why did you get the idea that I am narcissistic and do not pay attention to your feelings? Yes, you are always like this. - Come on, what if I say that I love you for a long time? - saying so, he leaned forward and dug into her scarlet lips with a kiss. - Be my girlfriend? Zen asked, breaking away from her lips. - Yes. After he kissed her again, and Kiki and Mitsuhide, who saw everything, sat and rejoiced for their friends. At the end of school, Zen proposed to her, and that she agreed. They moved into a big house and lived happily ever after. And three months after their wedding, Mitsuhide proposed to Kiki. At the wedding of Shirayuki's friends, she suddenly became ill and vomited. The next day, she, having gone with Kiki to the hospital, found out that she was pregnant. Zen was very happy about this, indeed the girl was very worried about how the guy would react. Zen's parents really liked Shirayuki and visited them every week. They had many children and they all lived happily and joyfully.