When a person considers himself the best. What if you think you are better than others? Do you know there are other points of view

How to behave with a person who is higher in status than you? How not to slip into fawning and even more so servility? Why is avoiding these people just as bad for you? successful career, as well as excessive obsession?

When I thought about this topic, I realized that there are few people who write about this at all. Business book authors avoid this topic, limiting themselves to rather simple and meager advice like "Treat others the way you would like to be treated" or something like that.

Therefore, I was even more fired up to develop this topic, since at the very beginning of my career I would have been very glad to read something about it. Then I, like many others, would have been able to avoid my first mistakes. I had them, of course.

I remember my very first job, when I was a student. One fine day, my manager went to a competitor and instead of him they put in a person from another department, who frankly did not understand the specifics of my department. Of course, I, young and inexperienced, was annoyed.

I was called in by the owner of the company to motivate me to keep working while my department is going through temporary difficulties. He asked me how my relationship with the new leader was going. Without thinking, I blurted out all my indignation at his lack of competence. The boss calmly explained to me that it was wrong for me to treat a person who was obviously higher in status than me. After all, he has been working in this company for 8 years and is formally my manager, so I must treat him with respect. He was, of course, right, and I made my first "status" mistake.

My mistakes didn't end there. Already working at my second job, I had an unforeseen situation - I had to go on a long sick leave. I don’t know where my brains were, when I broke the news I went straight to the director of my company, without saying anything to my immediate supervisor! He, of course, was then in complete bewilderment, and he did the right thing, because I had so grossly violated the chain of command!

Here is a set of rules for dealing with high-status people that I came up with based on analyzing my mistakes and observing the mistakes of others:

1. Show respect, even if you see no reason for it

For us, as a rule, high status means that a person has certain talents. This is a matter of respect. But in life it happens that there is status, but there are no talents. Or so we think. In my opinion, this should not cancel the elementary rules of communication, and respect should be at least formal.

This does not mean that you need to do nothing if a high-status person is already turning into a petty tyrant and tyrant. You have many ways to deal with such situations: both the use of "psychological aikido" (I write about this method in more detail on my website in the article "People-destructors or How not to be influenced by whiners and pessimists"), and simply avoiding such people, if circumstances permit. Whether it makes sense to spend your time and energy on an open "fight against windmills" is up to you, of course.

2. Don't Avoid High Status People

Sometimes with respect for high-status people, fear of them goes hand in hand. Often people are afraid to communicate with such people, considering themselves unworthy of their attention. Of course, the other extreme, like obsession, is also unacceptable, but completely avoiding communication with such people deprives you of many advantages. After all, such people are often outstanding, talented people and they have a lot to learn.

In addition, if they know you, it can contribute to a successful career. When some kind of career opportunity arises, and a person with a high status says something like "Vasechkin is a good guy, he will definitely do it!", believe me, they will listen to his words, or rather to his status :).

3. Don't be intrusive.

The other extreme is when you go out of your way to be in front of people with high status. Such an obsession is more likely to cause bewilderment in them, and most importantly, irritation in people who are equal in status to you. Then the reputation of "sticky fish" and "lickers" is guaranteed to you. This, as you understand, is not very conducive to a successful career.

If you really want to impress, then it is better to do it in relation to your colleagues. You will make a much greater impression on your boss when he hears positive feedback about you from your colleagues.

4. Maintain chain of command

First of all, your immediate supervisor should know about any of your experiences or wishes. Going with an application for a vacation or with a sketch of a new idea is only worth going to the manager through the level if your immediate supervisor is absent from the office and ordered to go to his boss with similar questions.

5. The place and time of the meeting is chosen by the one who has a higher status

As Reid Hoffman writes in Life Like a Startup: Build a Career the Way of Silicon Valley, if you're sending your resume to a company's vice president because he's the one who does the recruiting for his company, it won't be appropriate to invite him to meet at a coffee shop nearby. with your home. The place should be comfortable in the first place for him.

6. Don't be late for appointments

Everything is simple here. Being late is a kind of unspoken signal that your status is higher, so they can wait for you. You seem to be telling those who are waiting for you that your time is more important than their time. In such a status game, you can play with people equal to you in status or those who are lower than you in status. Don't play it with people of higher status. As Reid Hoffman suggests, you can't afford to be late for your meeting with Barack Obama.

7. Speak what matters to the cause, don't fawn

It is a fairly common occurrence when people try to please a person with a higher status, they try to "smooth out sharp corners", expressing not their true opinion, but what he seems to expect to hear.

“Stupidity and wisdom are as easily seized as contagious diseases,” Shakespeare warned. Therefore, people in your environment must be chosen carefully. But how to understand who is really in front of you: a smart person or a fool? Psychologists name 10 signs of a person with high intellectual abilities. When meeting, look for them in your interlocutor!

1. Do not evaluate anything without context
A smart person does not rush to conclusions and assessments until he analyzes all the circumstances and details. He rarely criticizes and condemns.

A stupid person easily gives assessments to others and phenomena, without delving into the circumstances. At the same time, it seems to him that he is better than the object of his criticism.

2. Easily admit their mistakes
The main goal of an intelligent person is to find the truth, and not to be always right. He is well aware that he can be wrong, because nothing in this world is imperfect. Stupid people do not recognize their own mistakes.

3. Behave calmly
A quarrel with a partner, a long traffic jam or a sudden cancellation of a flight at the airport is something that can piss anyone off. However, according to research, smart people are more calm than those with a low IQ.

Years of research by scientists from the University of Michigan prove that between aggressive behavior and a low level of intelligence still has a connection.

4. Do not consider themselves better than others
Stupid people think they are better than others. According to a study published in the journal psychological science”, less intelligent individuals are more prone to homophobia and racism. They insult others in order to look good in front of them.

Smart people don't compare themselves to others. They are always happy for the success of others and are often ready to help.

5. Empathize with others more often
People with low IQs often act selfishly. They are indifferent to the feelings and needs of other people. This is because they cannot put themselves in the place of another person and understand their train of thought.

6. Feel comfortable being alone
A smart person is not bored alone with his thoughts. Often important ideas come in moments of loneliness. Stupid people avoid it in every way. When they stay in their own company, they have to observe their own emptiness. Therefore, if there is no one around, then news and social networks save narrow-minded people.

7. Staying up late and changing the sound of the alarm more often
Researchers from Japan Kaya Perina and Satoshi Kanazawa believe that among the "owls" there are more smart people. In his study in the journal Personality and individual differences” they identified the link between circadian rhythm and high intelligence. They also note that people who reset their alarms are more responsive to their body's needs.

8. Don't be afraid to look stupid
Smart people are not afraid to look stupid and allow themselves to relax. The narrow-minded, on the contrary, are trying with all their might to show their intellectual abilities. They will gladly correct you. Have you met these?

9. Not afraid
Fears do not rule the life of an intelligent person. But a fool is afraid of everything: I won’t go there and I won’t, suddenly something will happen. By performing some action, a person gains experience, and the one who sits at home and shakes will never comprehend the meaning of life.

10. Have a dialogue
If a person constantly talks about himself and you find it difficult to insert even a word, then know that you are dealing with a fool. Sometimes a person wants to talk, but this should not be on an ongoing basis.

No one can always do the smart thing, but it's still worth trying.

How many habits have you counted?

Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

You will definitely recognize them when you see them. These arrogant people with an arrogant attitude can easily ruin your day, unless, of course, you are armed with one or more of these 9 answers.

For some reason, an arrogant person is sure that he is somehow superior to you, although, in fact, we are all equal people, and the difference between us is quite insignificant. How you react to these people when you encounter them can affect your mood. Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

9 phrases that will put an arrogant person in their place

Arrogant people share personality traits with people with narcissistic personality disorder, according to the 4th Edition Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, used to diagnose psychological problems:

- They are considered to be special and unique, so they can only be understood by people with a special or high status, with whom they should only communicate.

They demand excessive admiration for their personality.

- They are in an unreasonable belief that everything should happen exactly as they wish or assume.

– Perform interpersonal exploitation, that is, use others to achieve their own goals.

– They lack empathy: that is, they are unable to recognize or identify the feelings and needs of other people.

– Demonstrate arrogance through their arrogant behavior or attitude.

1. - What makes you think so?

This phrase is meant to help the arrogant person understand that he is in the grip of stereotypes, that he is simply generalizing everything, as a result of which he will stop talking in this way. We hope that such people can realize that they are saying bad things. And after this is pointed out to them, they will stop expressing such thoughts.

2. - Oh-oh-oh!

If they hurt someone's feelings, whether they are yours or someone else's, call it what you see it. It's about about hurtful expressions that are used by an arrogant person. And this exclamation will help them realize the harm they cause.

3. - You know, my mother too ...

An arrogant person is more likely to single out groups of people based on race, sexual orientation, education received, etc., which allows him to express his negative stereotypes. The thing is that by humiliating others, an arrogant person tries to exalt himself in comparison with them.

You can quickly stop negative conversations by hinting that one of your loved ones is also in the same group that the arrogant person is trying to make fun of. In this way, you will let him know that such gossip is offensive to you personally and you are not going to put up with unfair slander. Most likely, after this, the rude person will apologize, which will be the best way out of the situation for him.

4. - Do you know that there are other points of view?

You and everyone else are entitled to their own opinion. But arrogant people should understand that their negative comments should not concern other people.

5. - Tell me again, why are you better than him?

Arrogant people think they are better than others. So ask them to explain why we should treat these other people differently. To this he can give quite interesting answers, but, most likely, he will simply begin to squirm. And you will put him in a very uncomfortable position if you say that he is not higher than other people.

6. - I would be grateful if these were the last words that you said on this topic.

End this arrogant man's chatter as rudely as he himself began it. This phrase will put an end to his slander. But, again, an arrogant person, used to hearing only himself. Therefore, you will have to say it in the most intelligible way for him.

7. - Shut up already, finally.

The easiest way to end a conversation with an arrogant person is to simply walk away. And the best thing is if in the end you say some rather sharp phrase that will make him think. But it is quite possible that you will not be able to influence an impudent person even in this way. They think too highly of themselves, despite all the evidence of their meanness.

8. - I'm sure you didn't want it to sound so arrogant, right?

This phrase includes good intentions, even if you are not at all sure that the person is configured in this way. This wording actually gives the arrogant person a chance to improve, as he can answer that he really did not want to seem rude. She will also make it clear that you refuse to support his game of belittling others.

9 . "Do you understand how arrogant you look when you say such things?"

Point out their arrogant behavior and let them know that you find it completely unacceptable. Psychologists who specialize in the study of character say that humble people are completely unconcerned with themselves, while arrogant people have an inflated opinion of themselves. Representatives of society with such a character are also characterized by manipulative actions in relation to other people.

Assess the situation. Why do you feel that the person is arrogant? Is he condescending towards you or doesn't speak to you? Unless there was an incident that showed that this person is putting himself above you, then don't jump to the conclusion that he is arrogant. You may be wrong about it.

• If you feel that your interests and wishes are not taken into account at all, then this may be a sign of contact with an arrogant person, especially if he insists that his path is the only correct one.

Listen to what the person is saying. Does he always talk about himself? Does he get angry or annoyed if the focus shifts to someone else? Boasting, belittling others, and acting like he knows everything? These are all sure signs of an arrogant type. If he constantly interrupts or interrupts abruptly, these are also signs of arrogance.

• Look for a person who constantly says that he is better than you and other people. It can be secretive or frank, but if a person now and then says that he is better than you and other people, we can safely conclude that he is arrogant.
• Consider how contemptuous the person is of you and your ideas or thoughts. Contemptuous attitude speaks of the belief that a person considers himself better than others.
• Is this person belittling things that matter to you, especially in public?
• Does this person talk/act like they are your boss? Listen for a tone of voice that can indicate bossiness and contempt.
• Does this person ever notice that you miss talking? Arrogant people never notice this!

Determine if the person accepts your opinion when making decisions. Arrogant people rarely let others make decisions because they are sure they are right and always know all the answers. And they don't care if the decision concerns you.

• Is this person constantly looking for companies of high-status people, seeking to get to know or talk with them? This is because an arrogant person believes that he is only worthy of people with high status.

Know that arrogant people are often quite insecure. Through dominance and control, they control their fear of being subdued. It is difficult for an arrogant person to admit that he is wrong, and no matter how ridiculous it looks, he will cling to his rightness even when his knowledge has outlived itself or when he is not able to think more broadly. Unfortunately, many arrogant people actually have much less life experience than they tell; it is just a cover embellished with imagination and envy.

• Snobbery is a classic sign of arrogance. When an arrogant person knows or pretends to know something special, it gives him an advantage and he is not shy about boasting about it.
• It is very difficult for an arrogant person to accept difficulties. He is much more comfortable with predictable situations, in black and white; such a person tends to see all life in this light. Such people tend to assume more than they actually know.
• Know that excitement is not always a sign of arrogance. An agitated person may simply be embarrassed for being inappropriate in conversation and trying to be too smart. This can sound like superiority and, combined with dominating the conversation, can come off as arrogant. Try to look more deeply before judging a person's intentions. A flustered person will ask for your opinion, while an arrogant person won't care and will never apologize for talking too much.